It’s happening a little early this year for some reason. I can’t quite pinpoint the trigger but my usual holiday depression is setting in and I feel myself slowly slipping away. Sometimes I wonder if it only comes because I expect it. I fight it every year and somehow manage to survive. Some years are easier than others and some years I pay a little visit to the doctor to get some help for a few months.
Well, I’m sick of it! I’m suspicious of the reason that it comes back year after year and I’m beginning to believe that my methods of coping are the culprit. So, this year, instead of stuffing it all down, ignoring it, denying it, turning the pain into something else…I think I need to try owning it instead. For once, admit it, pay attention to it, take it out and lay it on the table and just look at it.
I’m actually a little afraid to face it all but I think it’s necessary. I just don’t want to live the rest of my life knowing this will happen every year and knowing in the back of my mind that there is the possibility of making it stop.
So, prepare yourself. This could get very ugly.